The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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