He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
