Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
