Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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