Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
