why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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