time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
