I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
