youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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