the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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