my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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