billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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