shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
