I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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