my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
