I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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