I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
