I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize