Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
