If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
