Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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