first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
