Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
