38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
