Got a toothbrush?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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