is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
