:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
