I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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