who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
