he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
