I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
