so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
