I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
