I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
