the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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