He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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