Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
