whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
