i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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