ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
