we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
