Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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