This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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