I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize