I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
