i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
