how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
