I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it because I queefed?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize