worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
