Umm I'm too high to move.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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