dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
