Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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