Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
