Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
