i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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