its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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