cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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