I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
