That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
