Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
