he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
