he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
