His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
