3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i think im in europe. pls send help
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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