even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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