dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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