Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
