8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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