Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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