well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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