you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize