just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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