should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
