I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
