I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
