Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
