I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
