; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
